Vera’s Orgasmic Review: Backdoor to Chyna
I love porn. I think it’s awesome. After watching so much porn throughout the years, I’ve developed a preference for the old-school classics. There’s something hot and cheesy about porn made in the 70’s, 80’s and even some 90’s. But every once in a while, I’ll watch a current porn title and I’ll give a review of it.
Now, some of you may know this about me but I used to be a big fan of wrestling. I’m talking WWF/WWE, TNA (well, not really) and even ROH (Ring of Honor). I started my writing career doing wrestling fan fiction so I know who the popular ones are/were. I’m talking names like Triple H, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson, and others. So when I heard that former wrestler/current train wreck Chyna was parlaying into porn, I had to step back and go, ‘LOL…wait, what?’
Now Chyna (as that is her official name, not her former one, Joanie Laurer) has had a rough go since her release from the WWE. She’s had a drug problem, ran with a bad crowd, had a private sex tape with an ex-boyfriend (also a former wrestler) released without her consent, and did some reality shows that didn’t portray her in a good light. But it seemed like she was on her way back to the top. She got clean, focused on fitness again and released another bestselling book. And then…I’m not sure what the hell happened.
Backdoor to Chyna actually came out last year so I’m way late on doing this review. Truth to be told, I didn’t even know she did porn until I heard she was making a parody porn video of her experience in the WWE. Lovely. I’m sure that’s one porn Vince McMahon will not fap to. Anyway, I’m getting off track here. Reading there was yet another porn starring Chyna, I had to find it. And watch it. Why? I don’t know. I guess I was bored.
So I found the porn and watched it. And couldn’t stop watching it. Not because it was great because it wasn’t. It really wasn’t good porn at all. I wasn’t even remotely hot and bothered and my panties were bone dry. I just couldn’t understand why anyone would fuck Chyna. I told my husband I now know what Khloe Kardashian looks like when she has sex.
The porn does boast of one A-list porn star, Evan Stone, who I’m convinced will just fuck anyone at this point in his career. I’m not sure if he actually enjoyed fucking Chyna because he was unusually vocal or he was trying to convince himself she was someone else so it wouldn’t be so bad.
Chyna had a lesbian scene, which was unbelievable and two threesomes (F/M/F and M/F/M) which were a little better. Between the scenes, there were interviews with Chyna about her career in the WWE, upbringing, and her relationship with Triple H (hanging onto the past, much?). Overall, it wasn’t too bad but I wouldn’t recommend it. In fact, I wouldn’t even watch it again. On a scale of 1-5 stars, I would rate this two: one star for the sex and another star for the train wreck. I’m being generous.
And there you have it,