Vera Commentary: Why The Other Woman Will Never Get Respect

Recently, one of my girlfriends, let’s call her Gina for sake of privacy, started dating again. She’s been through some pretty hard shit within the past few years of her life. From custody battles to recurring visits to the courthouse to moving from one time zone to another, she’s been through a lot. In fact, she’s been through more within the past couple of years than most people would ever experience. Until recently, Gina had my utmost respect. Now she’s doing something I’m having a hard time reconciling if I can look past this.

Gina’s been pretty secretive on her dating adventures except she’ll post cryptic statuses like, ‘I’m going to hell in a hand basket’ or ‘I’m going to hell with gasoline panties on.’ After dating my fair share of bad boys, I can relate.  They’re fun, exciting, and the sex is surprisingly great.  I didn’t ask too many questions about her new love and felt she would tell me in due time. And did she ever.

Gina revealed her new love is a married man. With a baby. And he’s already met her kids. I’ll give you a moment to pick your chin off the floor.

It’s not so much she’s dating a married man I take issue with; it’s Gina’s cavalier attitude towards it. She actually said it was fabulous. Not sure what’s so fabulous about a relationship you can’t come clean with, but I’ll take her word for it. She honestly thinks there’s a future with this guy and it’ll be better than what he has with his wife. His excuse for not leaving his wife now? They’re staying together for the children. That I can believe because child support can be expensive…GTFOHWTBS.

Now I was pretty pissed off for a long while when I heard this news.  As a newlywed, I have a lot of respect for marriage. I also feel marriage isn’t for everyone. So when I hear someone disrespecting marriage, be it their own or someone else’s, I have to wonder why?  Exactly what are you getting out of this? If you’re unhappy with your marriage, leave. If you want someone who’s married, wait until they’re not anymore. People get divorced all the time. People leave other people all time. What’s wrong with waiting?

Another factor that surprised me is Gina’s the one you would least expect to participate in this type of behavior and between the two of us, I thought she was the ‘safe’ one, you know? While I might do some pretty scandalous and outrageous shit from time to time, I always looked at Gina as the conservative one. She’s active in church, her community, and occasionally she likes to party. So when she revealed this information, I immediately felt disgust. You’re fucking a married man and you’re proud of that? Gina kept saying how she knew how wrong it was and I seriously begged to differ. If you knew it was wrong, you would’ve stopped it before it started. It’s not hard to say ‘no’ and walk away.

After calming down for a while (again, it took me a long while), I re-read what she wrote and it dawned on me, she’s being played. Gina probably won’t agree with me but good dick has a tendency to cloud someone’s otherwise rational judgment. First of all, the real question out of all this is how low is one’s self-esteem to happily accept the role as The Other Woman? Think about it. She probably won’t meet his family or friends. They can only spend time with each other during certain days and hours. And more than likely, he’s still fucking his wife while he’s at it (and he probably told her they’ve stopped having sex a long time ago and I don’t doubt Gina believes it).

Recently, a lot of  famous mistress have done interviews about what they were told (my favorite is ‘I didn’t know he was married’ or ‘he was going to leave his wife’) and what they were promised (‘We’ve talked about the future and made plans…). But let’s be real. What can a married man possibly promise you that he didn’t promise his wife when they said vows? What plans can a married man with children make if there’s no timetable on when he’s going to leave his wife?

And of course, every mistress has the same line: His marriage isn’t that strong, anyway. They were already on the rocks before I came into the picture. That might be true. His marriage might have been disintegrating before Gina entered the picture. But if she knew that, why continue? Oh, that’s right, I forgot…good dick will cloud judgment.

There’s a saying: Only God can judge me. I say bullshit; we judge each other all time, some more vocal than others. If I label Gina as a homewrecking ho, I’m well within my fair assessment of her. Because you know something? If Gina was married and another woman was exhibiting the same behavior towards her marriage, I would call the other woman the same thing. I also hope Gina’s boyfriend’s wife (did you catch all of that?) is mild-mannered because once she finds out about the affair…hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You’ve seen the above pictures.

I have no advice for Gina and her foolish behavior. I still love her to death despite me thinking she’s a class-A asshole now. I’m not totally closing the book on her because there’s that little thing called karmic retribution: what you give to the earth is what you get back from it. No good will come from what she’s doing now. Karma has no expiration date. When the shit hits the fan, she’s going to regret her actions – big time.

Here’s another saying: If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you. Real talk.

And there you have it,

-V.