V-Spot Commentary: Are There Men Who Don’t Masturbate?

Spanking the monkey. Choking the chicken. Rubbing one out. Jacking off. The five-finger massage. These (and plenty of others) are all familiar terms for masturbation. I’m sure there are plenty of male readers of The Intoxication who have masturbated (you don’t need to tell me you have) and who are probably masturbating now (again, you don’t need to tell me you are).  However, nothing is ever 100% despite all the evidence pointing otherwise. What if that lone two percent of men just don’t masturbate. Does that exist?

The reason I ask is I participated in an online debate of sorts of whether couples watch porn. There was a poll about the question and the results were interesting. Some women say they do with their mates and others say they don’t. However, that’s not the issue I have. The issue came about when a few women said their husbands don’t watch porn…and they don’t masturbate.

I’m sorry…what was that?

I can understand some men not watching porn. It’s hard to find good quality porn out there and after seeing oodles upon oodles of it, it’s easy to get turned off by it very quickly. In fact, if I’m not doing an Orgasmic Review, I’m not watching porn. Seeing the same tired acting and positions can be pretty *yawn*.I’ve also had several male friends tell me after being exposed to so much porn when they were younger, they’re just not interested in viewing it anymore.

But some men don’t masturbate? What is that? I thought all men masturbate and those who don’t are lying. Now to be fair, not all women masturbate. In fact, I know quite a few women who don’t and I still think they need to be seen by a psychiatrist. I don’t know how in the hell any woman can be good in bed if she doesn’t masturbate or explore her own body.  However, I have already discussed this issue so there’s no need to press further on it (See Sex and the Married Woman: I Touch Myself But Only If It’s Okay with Jesus).  I, for one, don’t masturbate nearly as much as I used to just because I have a healthy sex life.  However, if my husband isn’t around and I’m in the mood to get my rocks off, there’s not a question as to what I’m going to do about it.

However, this subject isn’t about women and masturbation. This subject is about men and masturbation and the naïve wives who think their husbands honestly don’t do it. Surely, you jest, right?

I’m sure we’ve all heard the statistics: Ninety-nine percent this. Ninety-nine percent that. Or if you want to really get creative, you’ll hear occasional ninety-eight point something. I know nothing is ever 100%; it’s a given. But you have to wonder if that 2% really does exist when it comes to masturbation? Are there men who really don’t partake in it? Well, apparently, yes, there is and the reasons for it are quite surprising.

For example, some men don’t masturbate due to religious convictions.  In fact, many older men choose not to masturbate due to their religious beliefs or just simply not wanting to. A lot of men responded they don’t masturbate due to the quality of their sex life and not having the need to do it, which is understandable.  Other men don’t masturbate due to erectile dysfunction or other medical problems.

So ladies and gents, when a man admits he doesn’t masturbate, there just might be a chance he’s telling the truth.

And there you have it,


One thought on “V-Spot Commentary: Are There Men Who Don’t Masturbate?

  1. Rincewind says:

    hmmmm… it does sounds quite amazing to hear that there actually might be someone who doesn’t spank the monkey (where the f**k did that expression come from really.. it sure doesn’t look like a monkey or is it something wrong with mine 🙂 ).

    Maybe someone with no arms is that percentage? well, have to go back to my 1st sentence, hmmmmmmm….

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