V-Spot Commentary: When Your Friends Break Up

Over the course of several years, I’ve been friends with several couples. Normally, I would be friends with one-half of the couple and then will become friends with the other half. Double dates, game nights, and fun times will soon follow. Invitations to kids’ birthday parties, christenings, and bar mitzvahs are sent out. And of course, there are the mandatory Christmas cards and school pictures delivered without a question asked.

But what happens when your friends break up and forced to take sides? What do you do?

I have always believed when a couple breaks up, it’s never just a concrete reason. Sometimes, things build up over time before it finally explodes like a volcano. No matter how close you are with someone, you never know exactly what goes on in their relationship. Maybe there were money problems they kept hidden? Maybe there were trust issues?  Maybe one or both of them strayed? Maybe there was abuse of some kind? Truth to be told, we never fully know what goes on inside a couple’s relationship. You only know what’s being projected in both speaking and outward appearance.  Let’s be real: you only know what I tell you about me and Maks; other than what I say, you don’t know us.

So what happens when you’re caught in the middle between two fighting parties? What do you do then?

Recently, one of my girlfriends is going through a Fatal Attraction-like (not exaggerating) break-up. Although there hasn’t been any dead rabbits found in a boiling pot of water, it’s getting to the point where other mutual friends are getting involved and putting their two cents in about a relationship none of us really knew anything about.  Of course, when they were happy, everything was fantastic and they kept up the happy couple appearance. Now that the couple – let’s just call my friend, Becky and her ex-boyfriend, Glenn – has broken up, it seems the pair should’ve been nominated for Best Actor and Actress Oscars.

It's true. We all know a lot of unpaid actors. They're commonly known as friends and family.

 

There were screaming fights, cheating accusations, and plenty of he said, she said.  While my girlfriend has confided in me about on what’s happening, I told her I refuse to get involved. Truth to be told, it reminds me a lot of a bad middle- and high-school relationship and break-up: Girl meets Boy. Boy asks Girl out. Girl and Boy are in lurve. Girl (or Boy) breaks Boy’s (or Girl’s) heart. Nasty rumors and allegations ensue. Over the course of a lifetime, I’ve learned that some people aren’t what they seem despite the bright smiles and warm demeanor. Some of them can be real assholes.

Now I’m not saying I won’t be a support for those who are broken-hearted; after all, you quickly find out who’s there for your cause and who’s just a fly on the wall when you go through some real bad stuff. However, if you are going through a breakup, don’t make your friends choose sides just because you have a problem with your ex. After all, you were the one fucking them; not your friends. Let them make that decision. The worse thing that can happen when you breakup with someone is to also lose friends because you were immature as well.

And there you have it,

-V.