Recently one of my friends went through a bad breakup with her boyfriend. It turned out he was cheating on her and had another girlfriend hidden close to him (my friend and her ex were in a long-distance relationship). Cursing fights were exchanged back and forth as well as a few ‘I wish you were dead’ and ‘I fucking hate your guts and will never forgive you.’ Well, that was last year and before Christmas (yeah, that breakup had nothing to do with possibly buying a Christmas gift). Fast-forward and past the New Year, they’re back together and “taking it slow.” Oh did I mention the only way they see each other is if she drives two hours one-way to see him?
I’m sorry…what was that?
It reminded me when I was young, dumb, and full of cum. When I was 18, I was in a relationship with a guy who was well, a jerk. He put me down, cheated on me countless times, and twice threatened to hit me. Yet, I kept going back to him for reasons I’m still not sure about. Maybe I was lonely? Maybe he was the first guy I was with? Maybe I thought I could “change him?” Luckily for me, I was smart enough to realize what an asshole he was and broke all ties with him after I graduated from college. I even went so far as to change my phone number and address. But I was 18 and he was my first relationship so I didn’t know better. My friend is in her early 30s and is proudly messing with a loser. You are who you date. You are who you marry. That’s either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your point of view.
At what point does staying with someone and trying to work things out blurs with you just being stupid?
Let’s go back to my situation for a minute. Again, I was 18 and Eddie (my ex) was my first relationship. I never dated in high school and to be perfectly honest, wasn’t trying to date too much in college. Of course, I said that before I entered college at the young tender age of 17. And then the moment I turned 18, I didn’t care. I was clubbin’, partying, underage drinking, all that stuff. All this while going to a Christian college, mind you (yeah, don’t believe all the hype about religious universities; they’re just as bad—if not worse—than other schools. Everything is more hidden and underground, which makes it more dangerous).
I knew after a few weeks Eddie was a jerk and so did my friends. He would almost berate me in public and in private. But I was in lurv…or so I thought. I could change him! He just needs to realize how much of a catch I am! I kept saying and hoping I would believe it. He’ll come around one day, I just know it and he’ll be proud I stuck with him throughout! I was so good at lying to myself I should’ve went into theatre. He didn’t give me anything for my birthdays or any holidays but I gave him gifts. And this went on for four years.
So what was the final straw? My graduation. Now, he’s known about the graduation for four years since he met me as a freshman. And after four years of his shit, I was coming into my own. While we were still “together,” it was definitely at the tail-end. I was openly seeing other people and so was he, although he had more of an issue of me fucking someone else (go figure). Anyways, I invited Eddie to my graduation. It would make up for all the bullshit, heartache, and drama. It was the least he could do, right? He couldn’t go. His reason? His little brother was turning 21 that same weekend and they were celebrating his birthday in Vegas.
And that was the moment where I had my ‘A-ha!’ moment. My ‘I wasted four fucking years on your ass and all I got was this T-shirt’ moment. And after I got off the phone with Eddie, I changed my phone number. Since I was leaving college, my change of address already took place. It took an additional year to clear him out of my heart and mind but when I left him, I never looked back. Now in all due respect to my friend, I was 18 and very young so I had a chance to recover quickly. If that drama happened to me now in my 30s, I’m not sure what my reaction would’ve been. But somehow, I don’t think I would’ve been messing around with someone who obviously doesn’t give a fuck. It’s amazing what a little self-respect will do to a sista’s mind.
My advice for all the ladies out there is be with someone who respects you. A man should treat like the queen you are. It’s normal to have disagreements and fights but the moment name-calling and disrespect fly around, it’s a wrap. There’s a saying: love will make you do crazy things. But there’s another saying: know when to hold them, know when to fold them.
And there you have it,