Sex and the Married Woman: The Natural Birth Control, Pt. I

Oh, natural birth control…that really is an open-ended joke that’s waiting to happen.

As my husband and I approach our first anniversary this spring, I’m discovering a lot of different things about sex. I’ve talked a great deal about the physical part and trying to sync schedules. Now let’s take a gander at the not-so-fun-but-it’s-kinda-interesting technical side of sex. Yep, there’s a lot more than just reenacting porno. Sex, in it’s awesome and terrific glory, is pretty much science. Anyone who tells you otherwise is too stupid to be fucking.

I’m currently reading a book titled Taking Charge of Your Fertility and let me tell you, it’s an eye-opener. For starters, getting pregnant isn’t as easy as just laying down, having him stick it in you and bam! You’re knocked the fuck up. There’s actually a method to it. While a man is fertile all the time, a woman is only fertile a few days of the month and if she has sex on one of those lucky days, it’ll boost her chances of getting pregnant. Now, it doesn’t say she’ll actually get pregnant; it’ll just make her chances better. Of course, this information has made me question a lot of those hoes, erm…women…nah, I was right the first time hoes on Maury. How many dudes are you fucking in five days where it can be up to 6 possible fathers?

However, this post isn’t about pregnancy (and in case you’re wondering, no, we’re not pregnant) or my Maury Show guilty pleasure. This post is about natural birth control which is something I’m starting to get into since reading the book. Apparently, a woman’s body is its own birth control and there’s really no need to take the Pill, the shot, or other forms. Now I need to make something clear: when I’m discussing natural birth control methods, this post is directed to those who are in a committed and monogamous relationship. Natural birth control is not about those who are just fucking around with different partners or those who barely started having sex with their lovers. Please use birth control if you don’t want to get pregnant and please use a condom to protect yourself and your partner. You may know you’re clean but you can’t always say the same for your partner.

Alright, now that’s out of the way, let’s get started. Natural birth control is based on two things:  a woman’s basal body temperature (BBT) and her cervical fluid (also known as cervical mucus (CM)). BBT is the temperature a woman takes before even getting out of bed first thing in the morning.  The reason for this is it is considered to be the most accurate determination of a woman’s temperature and her fertility. CM is that discharge that happens when a woman is ovulating (when an egg is released). The discharge comes in different forms and typically can determine when a woman is fertile and when she’s not. If her CM looks like egg-white and can stretch between two fingers, she’s pretty fertile. If her CM is dry (an example is when you swipe the inside of your mouth with a finger and hold it in the air. It dries pretty quickly doesn’t it?), she’s not. Got it? Good. For a woman to determine if she’s fertile, she has to take her temperature and check for any cervical fluid every day. And then she charts it on a graph each cycle like the one below.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: it sounds complicated, time-consuming and why do all that when I can just take the Pill? Well, you’re right that it does sound like it, however, once you do it for a week, it becomes so second-nature, it really takes only a few minutes a day.  My memory for taking the Pill wasn’t all that great and well, I’m too busy to have an ‘Oopsie’ baby right about now. Plus, I’m getting older (31, even though I’m still quite young) and I don’t want to be on The Pill for the rest of my life, despite my doctor telling me it was perfectly healthy for me to do so.

Because this topic is quite complicated, I’m going to break it up to two Sex and the Married Woman posts. I introduced you to the technical side in Part 1. In Part II, I’ll share me and my husband’s experiences with it. Let’s just say, some things are easier to read about than actually do. Like the part of where we can’t have sex for seven days in addition to the time I’m on my menses because we don’t want to get pregnant. Yeah, that’s 12 days out of the month we’re on a drought. And if it’s February, than it really, really sucks!

And there you have it,


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