Why Does Kim Kardashian Get So Much Love from Sistas?

I made a vow to never feature Kim K.'s face on this blog and I plan to stick to it.

 

I hope I don’t need to explain who Kim Kardashian is. In case I need to, she is a celebutante socialite whose primary claim to fame is her reality show and various business ventures. She first shot to stardom, if you want to call it that, via sex tape with singer Brandy’s younger brother, Ray J.

Now we have my unbiased introduction out of the way, let’s get down to business.

There have been a lot of things said about Kim throughout the years: she’s manipulative, greedy, a ho, etc., etc. Some of the claims have been pretty mean; some of them have been rightly levied at her. I can easily see why anyone would not like her. She’s a prime example of what not to become. However, I’m having some difficulty seeing why anyone would admire her, especially Black women. It seems more Black women admire Kim Kardashian than any other race. Why?

Why does it seem more Black women admire Kim Kardashian than Michelle Obama?

I have no opinion of Kim Kardashian either way. To me, she’s like an appendix – she doesn’t really serve any purpose, she’s just there. I have no love or hate for her. I will say I like her business sense. Since 2009, her and her family has been all over the magazines and TV screens and have made millions in the process. Still, I cannot actually say what she’s known for or known as. For example, there are singers. There are authors. There are musicians. There are actors. While the Kardashians like to say they do a little bit of everything, no one can really say what they’re known for. Even their own fans have admitted they still don’t know why they’re famous.

But my personal opinion of Kim isn’t the point here. Whenever Kim is in the news for something (which is daily), it seems Black women come to her defense more than other races. When Kim famously announced her impending divorce from Kris Humphries, it was Black women who agreed she was right to get out of the marriage. Black women are more willing to discuss her reality show exploits. And I wouldn’t be surprised Black women are among the first to buy whatever product she is hawking.

Now let’s compare her to Beyonce, who seems to get a lot of hate from Black women. Beyonce came out with a perfume, I heard a lot of Black women say she was like everyone else. When Beyonce released a single photo of her 2008 wedding day last year, I heard a lot comments on how ugly her dress was. I’m not pro-Beyonce; I still don’t believe she was pregnant. But she’s a good example of a Sista who is talented and gets a lot of flack in comparison to someone who is not known for her talent but gets a lot of love.

Now let’s compare Kim to FLOTUS, who is an excellent example for all Black women. I’m disturbed to hear more Sistas talk about what Kim K. is wearing than the Let’s Move initiative the First Lady is currently leading.

You see, when I was growing up, I had real-life examples. My grandmothers, my mother, my aunts, and teachers. In terms of celebrity, I admired a bevy of them: Phylicia Rashad, Whitney Houston, Diahann Carroll, and Diana Ross just to name a few. But things were different back then. There weren’t reality shows that come a dime-a-dozen. There weren’t no-name ex-wives, current girlfriends, etc. of has-been athletes getting their 15 minutes. And a celebrity sex tape? That was a scandal within its own and careers were damn-near destroyed.

Nowadays, all one has to do is turn on the TV and go, ‘Hey, I wanna be just like her!’

In conclusion, there’s nothing wrong with admiring a celebrity, if they’re being admired for the right reasons. My mother-in-law once turned the TV to watch the Kardashians and I politely told her to turn that shit off. If my daughter tells me she wants to be like Kim K. when she grows up, I will politely ask does she want to be more concerned with making money no matter the cost or overall doing good for others with next to no publicity?

Food for thought: I have to wonder if Kim had a darker skin tone and her first name wasn’t Kimberly but maybe something a bit more ethnic-sounding, would she still receive the same love? Think about it.

And there you have it,

-V.

Vera Commentary: The Erotica Nazi!

I love Seinfeld, can't you tell?

 

Is erotica bad for you? Well, not really. But some people like to think so.

Over the weekend, I received an e-mail from one of the distributors I use to publish my titles. The distributor, Smashwords, pretty much said in so many words that PayPal was threatening to stop their services if certain erotica titles didn’t disappear. These titles are of the incest, pseudo-incest (Step-Daddy, Step-Brother, etc…) and rape, bestiality kind. I, for one, have seen all of these titles published on Smashwords and other distributors such as Amazon.

Naturally there was a bit of an uproar in the writing community. Some were claiming conspiracy theory involving Amazon. Some were claiming another conspiracy theory involving other distributors. Some were claiming their freedom of speech was being violated. Some were saying erotica was being targeted (which isn’t necessarily a stretch of the truth). Some were implying other literary genres will be attacked soon enough.

My stance might surprise you: I think it’s a good move by Smashwords. Now hear me out.

Erotica has been around for ages, even dating back to the Bible. (Don’t believe me? Read Song of Solomon and see what you find.) The genre has grown over the past several years and there are many sub-categories within it. Interracial, fetish, rubenesque, BDSM, etc. Some like straight erotica, while others like the taboo stories (such as the pseudo-incest that is quite popular). Now do I judge those who write the taboo stories? No, but I choose not to read them.  However, I do believe it is the taboo stories that give all erotica writers a bad name. I’ve seen stories that had a rape association with them. I’ve seen stories that had a child molestation element to them. I’ve also seen stories that claim to be BDSM and they were non-consensual stories. And yes, these were on Smashwords.

Now these stories are different from let’s say, Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin, where there is a major storyline involving incest. And these stories are different from A Time to Kill by John Grisham where a major storyline involves child rape. What about Gone with the Wind? Feminists have argued for years that Rhett Butler didn’t ravish Scarlett, he raped her. I can go on and on with plenty of other examples but the point is, the aforementioned books use those taboo subjects as a means to further other storylines in the book; they are not the only storyline.

When people hear erotica, they immediately associate it with porn. Erotica is not porn and porn is not erotica. Let’s be clear on that:

Porn: Boy Meets Girl. Boy Does Girl. The End.

Erotica: Boy Meets Girl. Girl’s not sure if she likes Boy. Boy proceeds to chase Girl. Girl lets Boy chase her. Eventually, Boy gets Girl and gives her the hot luscious. The End.

Lastly, BDSM is always, always consensual. Safe, sane, consensual. BDSM comes in many forms and is particularly hot and passionate when the parties involve love each other. My husband and I have been a part of the Lifestyle for several years now and we’ve seen a lot in the scene. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

There are authors who write porn and I know a few. There are authors who write erotica and I’m one of them. Erotica is beautiful. There is nothing wrong expressing your love (or lust) to someone by written word. To me, erotica is no different from a Barry White or Marvin Gaye song. In fact, one of the most sensual love songs that is played all the time, Crusin’ by Smokey Robinson, is about sex. The pictures I have posted on this blog are examples of erotica. Could I post hard-core porn stills on here? Sure. But if you want to see porn, there are plenty of other sites for that. This isn’t one of them.

I’m all about the First Amendment and people should have the right to publish whatever they want, no matter how stupid I think it is.  However, I also have the same right to not read it. And publishers have the same right to not publish it.

And there you have it,

-V.

Vera Commentary: I’m Not Your Average Thirtysomething

Well, I’m not sure what average is but I do know I’m definitely not it.

Tomorrow is my birthday when I’ll turn thirtysomething. I originally had my age posted but my husband was against me telling my age. What a sweet man. He always reminds me why I married him by just little things he does.

 

Instead of painting the town red like I do every year, I opted to stay home with my husband, Maks, and our kitten, Sushi. (I’ll explain more why I chose this route on Tuesday’s Sex and the Married Woman post). Every year, I wonder what I have done in the past year that makes my birthday so worthwhile. Some people look at their birthday as just another day. Some look at it as a day to celebrate the greatness they are (or think they are).

I am in the latter category because honestly, I kick ass. And you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t think I kick ass, also.

SELF-PROMOTION! SELF-PROMOTION! SELF-PROMOTION!

 

Within the past year since my last birthday, I have gone almost-mainstream. I say almost because I’m not quite there yet. But I’ve published four books before my birthday. I’ve developed a cult following. I, Vera Roberts, kick all sorts of ass.

It’s also been a year of reflection. I’ve undergone a lot of emotional and mental changes, even a little physical.  I’ve finally become comfortable in my skin again and it’s taken me some time. I guess my late Granny was right: the older you get, the less you give a fuck about what people think about you. (No, she didn’t it like that.)

So cheers to another wonderful year! Thank you for being so patient with me. I guarantee you, it will pay off. Like now…say hello to yaderei…

-V.

Guest Blogger XXX Racer on Pubes or Go Hairless, Pt. II

Note from Vera: I have to admit, I was a little surprised to see the pretty awesome reaction from men and women on the first article (and so was XXX Racer). Although, it’s way overdue, here is Part II to his article. 

And yes, he will be a frequent guest blogger. 

*******

Today,  majority of the women I know and have spoken too shave their pussies smooth. They just love the feeling and they feel sexy. I do strongly lean toward a freshly shaven pussy. I love the feeling of their swollen lips against my tongue as I go down to feast on their wetness. I enjoy their pouring wetness into my mouth and not hindered by a mass of hair soaking up the juices before it makes it to my tongue. I love sucking a hard naked clit without having to hunt for it in a matted mound. Plus do you know how sexy it is to watch your hard cock sliding in and out of a hairless smooth pussy while their clit is rock hard, gliding across your shaft? Just watching yourself fuck a smooth pussy is damn sexy. No one can deny that! Not even a woman fucking her girlfriend with a strap-on cock. Everyone wants to watch!

Now I’m going to complicate things. Not every woman should shave her pussy smooth. What?! Why in the hell not?! Because not only is each woman different in size and shape, but some pussies just look sexier with a nice soft bush hiding just enough to the imagination. Did you know not all pubic hair has the same texture? This is where it leads for some women not to shave entirely. A woman who knows she has course pubic hair should keep her pussy trimmed but not shaven completely. I’m not talking about shaving her pussy lips and keeping a mound of hair. I’m talking about keeping her entire pussy trimmed but not shaved. Course hair that has been shaved is not a fun pussy to fuck or lick. Coarse pubic hair can be caused by the race of a woman, not shaving correctly or using a dull razor. The race of a woman has many things to do with it from all of my experiences. I find Middle Eastern women to have the coarsest pubic hair. Even a 12 hour old pussy shave feels like sandpaper against a mans hard cock. Not fun to go down on a woman either as a coarse 12 hour shadow is rough on a mans face and his own pubic bone while she’s riding him hard. This can leave one helluva rug burn and take days to get rid of. Not fun!

A woman who wants to keep her wet treasures glistening at all times needs to have herself waxed or professionally lasered. It’s the only way to keep those course pubic mounds at bay…and the sex even hotter. For most women who chose laser, they find they can go up to six weeks without having to shave. If a woman chooses to shave at home, be sure you buy a quality razor, not one of those cheap 50 cent jobs. Use the right kind of soap, like Ivory or Dove without lotion. The lotion soaps will clog your razor.  Shave in the direction of your hair growth first, then shave against the grain. This gives a smoother shave and keeps you from getting razor burn and bumps. After you shave, use your hair conditioner and massage into your skin. This will keep your stubble soft and reduce irritation. How does this guy know this? Because I shave completely myself. Women have asked me how I keep myself so smooth. It’s trial and error. I’m happy to pass on my secret.

Previously I mentioned about a woman’s shape and size. Yes, not all women look sexy with a shaven pussy. It’s not the man’s place to tell a woman her pussy looks sexier with a patch of hair, but rather for the woman to look at herself naked in front of a full-length mirror and decide for herself what looks sexier on her. It’s just like trying on a sexy dress or the right pair of panties. Plus not every pussy is attractive…naked.

So to answer the age old question…Shave or Not to Shave? For me, shave your pussy completely smooth…but most importantly, know how to use it when the lights go down…

Vera Commentary: Men Can Get Stupid on Pussy, Too.

The one perk about being married is people tend to look at you as an expert on relationships. I don’t know why; I’m still considered to be a newlywed. Marriage doesn’t make me an expert; I just lucked out and found the right one before any more bitches can fuck him.

Nevertheless, I have many friends and family members come to me asking for relationship advice. What does it mean when he does this? What does it mean when she says that? I always tell them, ‘Why don’t you ask him? He’ll let you know.’  But what if someone does something so bizarre and so indescribable, your only advice is to run and run fast?

Sit down and get comfortable. It’s story time.

I have a colleague at work, let’s call him Steve for privacy’s sake.  He met this woman, Reena, right before the Christmas holiday last year. Their relationship is what I like to call a textbook whirlwind romance: they met on a Friday and she was living in his house by that Sunday. Seriously. Anyway, the relationship between Steve and Reena has always been something of a tumultuous nature. There’s an age difference (Steve’s 46 and Reena’s 31) and dare I say that might play a factor into the heated fights they have. However, the age difference shouldn’t factor in how Reena acts. They would fight for about a minute and Reena would completely shut. She won’t talk for days and just become standoffish. Any simple mistakes Steve makes, Reena would fly into a fit of rage and curse him out.

So of course, Steve tells me all of this and asks the million-dollar question: Do all young women act like this? I had to sit down for this one. How can I explain to my friend that even though me and his wifey are the same age, we’re not all crazy and insane hoes?

Now I need to put this out there: I don’t hate women and I hope no one takes away from my Commentaries that I have self-hate. But when I see females do fucked up things – especially chicks around my age group – I need to call them out on it. Now that’s said, let’s continue, shall we?

A while ago, Steve contemplated asking Reena to marry him. I asked him if he was serious given their history and he told me he didn’t want to be alone for the rest of his life (Note for all: that is not a reason to get married to anyone. Get a dog if that’s how you feel).  I asked Steve if he was in love with Reena and he said he could fall in love with her. Yeah, that’s not a red flag.  Fast-forward to a couple of weeks ago, Reena is in a bit of distress. Seems that Reena’s brother was supposed to help her attain a green card (Reena’s from Sri Lanka) and has flaked out. He pretty much told her in not so many words, ‘You’re on your own, kid.’

Sibling love, no?

Out of desperation, Reena asked Steve if he could marry her – that weekend. What? What happened to the chick that was getting pissed off at him at every turn? Now she wants to be his wife? Steve, being skeptical, asked her if how much of her wanting to marry him was love and how much of it was wanting a green card. Reena’s answer? 50/50.

I’ll wait until you pick up your jaw.

So the following Monday, Steve comes to me and tells me what had happened. I immediately tell him to get the hell out of dodge and not to look back. One, who in the hell asks someone to marry them for their green card? Two, even if they do marry, they have to stay married for 10 years. The days of quick fixes are long gone.  Three, why in the hell would you want to stay with someone after learning all of that? Well, Steve did. Him and Reena are still together and he’s trying to figure out how to get her green card without marrying her. Is this Negro for real? The reason? He cares for her. Well, that’s fucking sweet but she didn’t seem to reciprocate it. But hey, it’s not my fucked-up relationship.

Now love can make you go full retard and I’ve been known to wear a helmet and lick a few windows in my past. However, while love can make act a fool, you should at least have some common sense. If part of the reason someone wants to marry you is to obtain a green card, you might want to ask yourself why in the hell are you still with that person? Reena has caused more headaches than dick sucks for Steve and for a man that cannot be a good look. Maybe it’s just the Libra in me; we tend to see all sides of the coin and if the majority of that bitch is negative, we don’t even bother trying to polish the other side. No matter how many times you try to polish shit, it’ll still be shit.

As for Steve, well, I have no advice for him.  I hope he knows what he’s doing. Only time will tell.

And there you have it,

-V.

Vera Commentary: Why The Other Woman Will Never Get Respect

Recently, one of my girlfriends, let’s call her Gina for sake of privacy, started dating again. She’s been through some pretty hard shit within the past few years of her life. From custody battles to recurring visits to the courthouse to moving from one time zone to another, she’s been through a lot. In fact, she’s been through more within the past couple of years than most people would ever experience. Until recently, Gina had my utmost respect. Now she’s doing something I’m having a hard time reconciling if I can look past this.

Gina’s been pretty secretive on her dating adventures except she’ll post cryptic statuses like, ‘I’m going to hell in a hand basket’ or ‘I’m going to hell with gasoline panties on.’ After dating my fair share of bad boys, I can relate.  They’re fun, exciting, and the sex is surprisingly great.  I didn’t ask too many questions about her new love and felt she would tell me in due time. And did she ever.

Gina revealed her new love is a married man. With a baby. And he’s already met her kids. I’ll give you a moment to pick your chin off the floor.

It’s not so much she’s dating a married man I take issue with; it’s Gina’s cavalier attitude towards it. She actually said it was fabulous. Not sure what’s so fabulous about a relationship you can’t come clean with, but I’ll take her word for it. She honestly thinks there’s a future with this guy and it’ll be better than what he has with his wife. His excuse for not leaving his wife now? They’re staying together for the children. That I can believe because child support can be expensive…GTFOHWTBS.

Now I was pretty pissed off for a long while when I heard this news.  As a newlywed, I have a lot of respect for marriage. I also feel marriage isn’t for everyone. So when I hear someone disrespecting marriage, be it their own or someone else’s, I have to wonder why?  Exactly what are you getting out of this? If you’re unhappy with your marriage, leave. If you want someone who’s married, wait until they’re not anymore. People get divorced all the time. People leave other people all time. What’s wrong with waiting?

Another factor that surprised me is Gina’s the one you would least expect to participate in this type of behavior and between the two of us, I thought she was the ‘safe’ one, you know? While I might do some pretty scandalous and outrageous shit from time to time, I always looked at Gina as the conservative one. She’s active in church, her community, and occasionally she likes to party. So when she revealed this information, I immediately felt disgust. You’re fucking a married man and you’re proud of that? Gina kept saying how she knew how wrong it was and I seriously begged to differ. If you knew it was wrong, you would’ve stopped it before it started. It’s not hard to say ‘no’ and walk away.

After calming down for a while (again, it took me a long while), I re-read what she wrote and it dawned on me, she’s being played. Gina probably won’t agree with me but good dick has a tendency to cloud someone’s otherwise rational judgment. First of all, the real question out of all this is how low is one’s self-esteem to happily accept the role as The Other Woman? Think about it. She probably won’t meet his family or friends. They can only spend time with each other during certain days and hours. And more than likely, he’s still fucking his wife while he’s at it (and he probably told her they’ve stopped having sex a long time ago and I don’t doubt Gina believes it).

Recently, a lot of  famous mistress have done interviews about what they were told (my favorite is ‘I didn’t know he was married’ or ‘he was going to leave his wife’) and what they were promised (‘We’ve talked about the future and made plans…). But let’s be real. What can a married man possibly promise you that he didn’t promise his wife when they said vows? What plans can a married man with children make if there’s no timetable on when he’s going to leave his wife?

And of course, every mistress has the same line: His marriage isn’t that strong, anyway. They were already on the rocks before I came into the picture. That might be true. His marriage might have been disintegrating before Gina entered the picture. But if she knew that, why continue? Oh, that’s right, I forgot…good dick will cloud judgment.

There’s a saying: Only God can judge me. I say bullshit; we judge each other all time, some more vocal than others. If I label Gina as a homewrecking ho, I’m well within my fair assessment of her. Because you know something? If Gina was married and another woman was exhibiting the same behavior towards her marriage, I would call the other woman the same thing. I also hope Gina’s boyfriend’s wife (did you catch all of that?) is mild-mannered because once she finds out about the affair…hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You’ve seen the above pictures.

I have no advice for Gina and her foolish behavior. I still love her to death despite me thinking she’s a class-A asshole now. I’m not totally closing the book on her because there’s that little thing called karmic retribution: what you give to the earth is what you get back from it. No good will come from what she’s doing now. Karma has no expiration date. When the shit hits the fan, she’s going to regret her actions – big time.

Here’s another saying: If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you. Real talk.

And there you have it,

-V.

V-Spot Commentary: When Your Friends Break Up

Over the course of several years, I’ve been friends with several couples. Normally, I would be friends with one-half of the couple and then will become friends with the other half. Double dates, game nights, and fun times will soon follow. Invitations to kids’ birthday parties, christenings, and bar mitzvahs are sent out. And of course, there are the mandatory Christmas cards and school pictures delivered without a question asked.

But what happens when your friends break up and forced to take sides? What do you do?

I have always believed when a couple breaks up, it’s never just a concrete reason. Sometimes, things build up over time before it finally explodes like a volcano. No matter how close you are with someone, you never know exactly what goes on in their relationship. Maybe there were money problems they kept hidden? Maybe there were trust issues?  Maybe one or both of them strayed? Maybe there was abuse of some kind? Truth to be told, we never fully know what goes on inside a couple’s relationship. You only know what’s being projected in both speaking and outward appearance.  Let’s be real: you only know what I tell you about me and Maks; other than what I say, you don’t know us.

So what happens when you’re caught in the middle between two fighting parties? What do you do then?

Recently, one of my girlfriends is going through a Fatal Attraction-like (not exaggerating) break-up. Although there hasn’t been any dead rabbits found in a boiling pot of water, it’s getting to the point where other mutual friends are getting involved and putting their two cents in about a relationship none of us really knew anything about.  Of course, when they were happy, everything was fantastic and they kept up the happy couple appearance. Now that the couple – let’s just call my friend, Becky and her ex-boyfriend, Glenn – has broken up, it seems the pair should’ve been nominated for Best Actor and Actress Oscars.

It's true. We all know a lot of unpaid actors. They're commonly known as friends and family.

 

There were screaming fights, cheating accusations, and plenty of he said, she said.  While my girlfriend has confided in me about on what’s happening, I told her I refuse to get involved. Truth to be told, it reminds me a lot of a bad middle- and high-school relationship and break-up: Girl meets Boy. Boy asks Girl out. Girl and Boy are in lurve. Girl (or Boy) breaks Boy’s (or Girl’s) heart. Nasty rumors and allegations ensue. Over the course of a lifetime, I’ve learned that some people aren’t what they seem despite the bright smiles and warm demeanor. Some of them can be real assholes.

Now I’m not saying I won’t be a support for those who are broken-hearted; after all, you quickly find out who’s there for your cause and who’s just a fly on the wall when you go through some real bad stuff. However, if you are going through a breakup, don’t make your friends choose sides just because you have a problem with your ex. After all, you were the one fucking them; not your friends. Let them make that decision. The worse thing that can happen when you breakup with someone is to also lose friends because you were immature as well.

And there you have it,

-V.

V-Spot Commentary: Does Love Make You Stupid?

Recently one of my friends went through a bad breakup with her boyfriend. It turned out he was cheating on her and had another girlfriend hidden close to him (my friend and her ex were in a long-distance relationship). Cursing fights were exchanged back and forth as well as a few ‘I wish you were dead’ and ‘I fucking hate your guts and will never forgive you.’ Well, that was last year and before Christmas (yeah, that breakup had nothing to do with possibly buying a Christmas gift). Fast-forward and past the New Year, they’re back together and “taking it slow.” Oh did I mention the only way they see each other is if she drives two hours one-way to see him?

I’m sorry…what was that?

It reminded me when I was young, dumb, and full of cum. When I was 18, I was in a relationship with a guy who was well, a jerk. He put me down, cheated on me countless times, and twice threatened to hit me. Yet, I kept going back to him for reasons I’m still not sure about. Maybe I was lonely? Maybe he was the first guy I was with? Maybe I thought I could “change him?” Luckily for me, I was smart enough to realize what an asshole he was and broke all ties with him after I graduated from college. I even went so far as to change my phone number and address. But I was 18 and he was my first relationship so I didn’t know better. My friend is in her early 30s and is proudly messing with a loser. You are who you date. You are who you marry. That’s either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your point of view.

At what point does staying with someone and trying to work things out blurs with you just being stupid?

Let’s go back to my situation for a minute. Again, I was 18 and Eddie (my ex) was my first relationship. I never dated in high school and to be perfectly honest, wasn’t trying to date too much in college. Of course, I said that before I entered college at the young tender age of 17. And then the moment I turned 18, I didn’t care. I was clubbin’, partying, underage drinking, all that stuff. All this while going to a Christian college, mind you (yeah, don’t believe all the hype about religious universities; they’re just as bad—if not worse—than other schools. Everything is more hidden and underground, which makes it more dangerous).

I knew after a few weeks Eddie was a jerk and so did my friends. He would almost berate me in public and in private. But I was in lurv…or so I thought. I could change him! He just needs to realize how much of a catch I am! I kept saying and hoping I would believe it. He’ll come around one day, I just know it and he’ll be proud I stuck with him throughout! I was so good at lying to myself I should’ve went into theatre. He didn’t give me anything for my birthdays or any holidays but I gave him gifts. And this went on for four years.

So what was the final straw? My graduation. Now, he’s known about the graduation for four years since he met me as a freshman. And after four years of his shit, I was coming into my own. While we were still “together,” it was definitely at the tail-end. I was openly seeing other people and so was he, although he had more of an issue of me fucking someone else (go figure). Anyways, I invited Eddie to my graduation. It would make up for all the bullshit, heartache, and drama. It was the least he could do, right? He couldn’t go. His reason? His little brother was turning 21 that same weekend and they were celebrating his birthday in Vegas.

Really, partner?

And that was the moment where I had my ‘A-ha!’ moment. My ‘I wasted four fucking years on your ass and all I got was this T-shirt’ moment. And after I got off the phone with Eddie, I changed my phone number. Since I was leaving college, my change of address already took place. It took an additional year to clear him out of my heart and mind but when I left him, I never looked back. Now in all due respect to my friend, I was 18 and very young so I had a chance to recover quickly. If that drama happened to me now in my 30s, I’m not sure what my reaction would’ve been. But somehow, I don’t think I would’ve been messing around with someone who obviously doesn’t give a fuck. It’s amazing what a little self-respect will do to a sista’s mind.

My advice for all the ladies out there is be with someone who respects you. A man should treat like the queen you are. It’s normal to have disagreements and fights but the moment name-calling and disrespect fly around, it’s a wrap. There’s a saying: love will make you do crazy things. But there’s another saying: know when to hold them, know when to fold them.

And there you have it,

-V.

V-Spot Commentary: How Long Would You Wait?

Prince William and Kate Middleton recently announced their engagement after an eight-year courtship. Did you read that correctly? Eight years. Granted, they both were 20 when they started dating but let’s be real, eight years is a long time to be someone’s girlfriend, whether he’s the potential king to the royal throne or Joe the bus driver from around the corner. Johnny Depp recently said he likes things the way they are with his longtime ladylove, Vanessa Paradis and would only marry her if she wants to. One of my work colleagues recently got married after being with his girlfriend for over 10 years. 10 years!

When I was dating, I never had a set rule on when I wanted to get married. I just knew whenever it happened, that would be it. But I also think I’m rare in that category. Most of my high school and college classmates married when they were in their twenties and started families around the same time frame. As more people are putting off marriage or even just completely doing away with it, it brings up an interesting question: How long would you wait? Does it even matter?

How long are you willing to wait to marry your love?

This is the international symbol for marriage, btw...

Before I proceed, I need to clear about something: Marriage isn’t for everyone. I have mentioned that plenty of times throughout the blog and I firmly believe not everyone should get married. I am not saying one shouldn’t get married based on sexual orientation. I believe it takes a strong person to get married and actually plan to stay that way. (And just for the record, gay people have the same issues in their relationships as straight persons).

Yep, their issues are just like ours.

Back to the topic, how long should one wait in a relationship before deciding they want to wake up and smell the other person’s stank breath for the rest of their life? For me, I always had a two-year limit on any marriage-related discussions in a relationship. Not saying a person should have to wait two years to marry me but if marriage isn’t at least seriously discussed within two years of dating, I’m calling it a wrap. Noticed how I didn’t say I had to be married within two years of dating; I needed to have an inclination of where the relationship was heading towards. Now if the person said, ‘Eventually, I would like to marry you but even after two years, I’m not ready,’ then I would’ve waited. Call me stupid or call me naïve. I’m a sucker for love.

Now, would I have waited 8 years? 10 years? I don’t know but something inside me tells me, I wouldn’t have. Truth to be told, I’m pretty impatient. I know good things come to those who wait but let’s not be ridiculous here. Waiting a few years is one thing; waiting until your newborn just started middle school is another. When I was planning my wedding, I read about a woman who was getting married after 20 years. 20 years! At that point, I thought, ‘Why bother?’ You’re already living together, have children, why get married?

I'm sure this is true but I'm betting that it is...

As open-minded and moderate as I am, I’m still traditional in some ways. I know everyone has to test-drive a car before you can buy it, but you only test-drive a car for a short time, normally within minutes. You’re not driving it until you’re leaning towards buying it or you feel you’re ready to take on such a challenge. Think about it the next time you purchase a car at the dealership. How many times are they going to let you test drive it before you actually buy it?

So I’m opening this up for a V-spot open and frank discussion. I know everyone is different so I’m curious to hear the opinions of this one. How long would you wait? How long have you waited? What advice do you have for the coupled-up but not quite married?

And there you have it,

-V.

Heartbroken… RIP Lady T, Teena Marie

Last year, I had the honor of meeting Teena Marie at a signing in Inglewood (Los Angeles). At first, I was sure about going because it was very last-minute and I knew the line was going to be crazy. I decided to go anyways because I just never knew when I was going to have the opportunity to meet her again. It proved to be the first and only time I would ever meet her.

For those who don’t know, Teena Marie (Marie Christine Brockert) was a R&B legend. Discovered and mentored by the late and great Rick James, Teena Marie was a pioneer. She was one of the first women to write and produce her own music as well as others. Her music has been sampled by Missy Elliott, The Fugees and countless others.

Back to my meeting with Lady T. I went up to her and asked for a picture. I was so nervous and star-struck, I was actually stammering and my voice shrunk to barely above a whisper. She happily obliged and put her arms around me. I’ll never forget what she said, ‘Of course, I will, baby. Come here.’ Below is a pic of us together.

I’m truly heartbroken and in too much shock to even cry. I imagine the tears will come later. But for now, let’s celebrate Lady Tee.  Below are a few pictures and some facts.

Despite their chemistry on such tracks as 'I'm Just a Sucka For Your Love' and 'Fire and Desire,' things weren't always so great between Teena Marie and her mentor-lover, Rick James. Teena had an off-on love affair with James for the earlier parts of her career. She once said in an interview, 'I wasn't concerned that I was his number one. I was worried about there being a number two, a number three, and a number four.'

In 1985, Teena released the single, "Lovergirl" for more mainstream exposure. She capitalized on her new audience by releasing a more rock-infused album, Emerald City, in 1988. Not only was the album was a critical and mainstream failure but Marie also alienated her hardcore R&B-Soul audience. She would soon revert back to her R&B roots shortly after that album.

Teena Marie was responsible for the 'Brockert Initiative' a law named after her that prevents record companies from holding artists to their contracts without letting them record new material. The law came to light when Marie wanted to leave Motown but they would not let her. She filed a suit and won. She later joined other labels such as Epic, Cash Money Records and her final label, the famous Stax Records.

 

 

Teena's daughter, Alia Rose, is also pursuing a singing career. She goes by the moniker, Rose Le Beau, and appeared on Teena's last studio album, Congo Square in a duet with her mother.