The Art of Anal III with Rachel Miller

Concluding this fantastic mini-series is the last entry by the lovely Ms. Rachel Miller. I sincerely thank Rachel for sharing her vast wealth of knowledge of anal sex and I hope she will be back for more mini-series on sex and relationships. As always, her information is at the bottom of the entry. 

Enjoy! 

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Be More Than a Pain in Her Ass

“How can I convince my girlfriend/fiancé/wife to try anal sex?”

If I had a dollar for every guy who asked me that…….

I certainly wouldn’t be writing this from my couch in crappy Northwest Indiana that’s for damn sure! Unfortunately, I always have to give these men the same answer.

YOU CAN’T.

She has to come around to it on her own, in her own time and in her own way. Should you bring it up occasionally? Of course! Talking to your partner about your sexual desires is always advisable but here’s a fact about women, the more you try to push something on us, the more likely we are to dig in our heels and refuse.

I’m going to attempt to help you fellas out a little on this one.

Unlike you, I’m a girl so I get her and her reasons (ok, yes, they’re excuses) for not wanting to partake in this particular desire of yours. Most of them are completely grossed out by the thought and are terrified that it will hurt like hell. (Which if it’s done wrong, too quickly or without enough foreplay and lube it will, btw.)

I’m also a girl who had anal sex the first time to shut a guy up so I can sympathize with them. I understand that women very seldom if ever suggest anal on their own but many, once they try it, will do it again of their own free will (shocking I know) and here’s the real kicker……….. will enjoy it. Since I was one of those women I can speak from personal experience.

Something you will most likely never be able to do, at least from a receiving stand point. Unless you’re willing to let her strap one on and return the favor that is.

Hmmmm…..now that might get her to reconsider.

LOL. I’m just kidding, you can wipe that look of horror off your face now. Though I will tell you that turn-around is fair play and you should at least consider letting her stick a finger up yours. You too, might be pleasantly surprised at how good it can feel and will gain you some serious points in the trust department.

Now I want you to sit back, relax, pass over the laptop or forward your girl the link to “Sometimes the Only Way into the Party is Through the Backdoor” and let me talk to her for a bit.

I’m not promising a miracle but maybe just maybe I can open her mind to the possibility of letting you stick it in her butt. Make sure you’re prepared by checking out “Slipping In & Out the Backdoor: Anal Play 101” You want her to ask you for it next time so be sure it’s enjoyable.

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Rachel Miller is executive producer and co-host of “Living With the Lights On,” the leading Internet show on sex, dating and relationships. She helps women to not only talk about sex, but to have better sex, through her “night” job as an Independent Business Associate of For Your Pleasure, Inc. Feel free to contact her at rachel@reignitingromance.com Follow her on Twitter and check out her blog Risqué Business.

The Art of Anal II with Rachel Miller

Hello my lovelies, dahlings, and freaks,

Part II to the Art of Anal mini-series continues today with another wonderful blog post from the lovely Rachel Miller. For a refresher, please click here for Part I.

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Sometimes the Only Way into the Party is through the Backdoor

Yep, we’re talking backdoor loving ladies!

Women can and many do enjoy anal sex.

Shocking isn’t it?

I know the above statement is fact because I am one of those women and as someone who talks to people about their sex lives all the time (it’s my job) I can promise you that I’m not alone. These women I know are not porn stars, or the town slut, bar flies or whores. These are every day women just like you. They’re wives, girlfriends, fiancés, moms, teachers, cashiers, professionals and might even be your best friend or next door neighbor.

Whether you’re reading this because the idea of anal sex is intriguing or because the man in your life sent you this link, it’ time to face a couple of truths….

#1- Next to a three some, sticking it in your butt is the #1 fantasy of most hetero guys

#2 -Your guy is going to ask you for it. Repeatedly.

You need to stop trying to understand it, stop being offended by it and stop being grossed out by it.

Let’s just all agree to accept it. Accept it like you accept the fact that he will fall asleep immediately after sex and he’ll never remember to put the toilet seat down.

Now I want you to take this acceptance one step further. I want you to seriously consider giving your guy what he wants.

Yes, I said I want you to seriously consider trying anal sex.

“But Rachel……” I can already hear you saying…..

“My butt is an exit only zone!”

“There is NO way I’m putting anything THERE!”

“It’s nasty, dirty and disgusting”

“I tried it once and it hurt like hell!”

“Only gay guys and porn stars take it in the butt.”

Yeah, yeah, the excuses go on and on and they’re all ridiculous.

You never know whether or not you like something until you try it.

And when I say try it I mean go into the experience with an open mind and a willingness to enjoy it.

I mean, really? Would people be doing it as often as they do if it didn’t feel good? I sure as hell wouldn’t..

For me, the #1 rule in sex is to try everything at least TWICE.

In fact with anal sex, I suggest giving it at least three chances before you decide it’s not for you. I say this because often it takes a few times to get it right. Sometimes it’s not the act but the person you try it with. It might be the position you tried or you’re still a tad nervous or maybe you didn’t use enough lube or there wasn’t enough foreplay. (Lube and foreplay are not optional when going on back door adventures people!!) Any or all of these can lead to an unsuccessful, unenjoyable anal excursion.

Believe it or not it is possible to develop a liking for certain sexual experiences after you become more comfortable with them.  Remember too, that just because something feels strange or uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s painful – there’s a difference.

I realize anal sex isn’t for the faint of heart and yes, it can sometimes get a little messy but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how good it does feel when it’s done right. I know I was. Your anus has a very high concentration of nerve endings and can be an extremely erogenous zone if you allow it to be.

I’m not saying it will ever be your favorite type of sexual activity or that you need to engage in it every time you have sex. In fact you may find, like I did, that you go through a phase of loving it and then other times when it you can take it or leave it but it is absolutely something you should explore and give a chance. I promise your guy will thank you and you’ll give yourself the chance to experience an orgasm like no other because….

There ain’t no party like a backdoor party!

Think you might ready to party via the back door? Be sure to check out “Slipping In & Out the Backdoor: Anal Play 101”

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Rachel Miller is executive producer and co-host of “Living With the Lights On,” the leading Internet show on sex, dating and relationships. She helps women to not only talk about sex, but to have better sex, through her “night” job as an Independent Business Associate of For Your Pleasure, Inc. Feel free to contact her at rachel@reignitingromance.com Follow her on Twitter and check out her blog Risqué Business.

The Art of Anal with Rachel Miller

Hello Everyone,

I’ve been hinting at a guest blogger for the longest time and well, I can officially stop fucking with your feelings. Introducing the lovely and ever-so talented, Rachel Miller of Reigniting Romance. Over the next few weeks, she’s going to give tips, suggestions, and even personal recommendations on the art of anal sex. Men, take notes and ask questions to her if you like. Ladies, feel free to share other tips as well.

And with that, I’ll let Rachel take the floor

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Slipping In & Out the Backdoor: Anal Sex 101

So you think you’re ready to engage in a little back door partying huh? Awesome!

Ladies, I think you’ll be surprised at how enjoyable it can be. Guys, I say can be because if not done properly not only can it be unpleasant, it can be downright painful!

Which brings me to the first thing you need to know about anal sex,

if it hurts, STOP!

Remember, there is a difference between pain and just discomfort or unfamiliarity, pay attention and be aware of what you are really feeling. Discomfort or unfamiliarity can be worked through, pain should not be. If it hurts you’re doing it wrong or you’re not ready. This is why I recommend that people avoid using products that numb your anal opening. You need to be able to feel what is happening.

Anal sex should be approached like all other sexual play, as fun with plenty of foreplay and lots of communication. And like any other form of sex it is usually better with someone you trust and can relax with.

Relaxation is key to pleasurable butt sex!

Your anus is a tension zone. That means if you’re stressed, nervous or uptight the likely hood of you being able to dive right into enjoyable anal sex is slim to none. Learning to relax your sphincter muscles takes time and is often best done alone at first. Try inserting a finger yourself during a shower or while masturbating. If that is successful and comfortable graduate to a slim butt plug. Be sure before using any sex toy anally that all rough edges have been filed smooth (personally I prefer glass or stainless steel for anal play) and that the toy you are using is flared at the base or has a ring to help you remove it. If it doesn’t it was not intended to be put in your butt so don’t put it there!! If you do anyway don’t call me when it gets sucked up inside and you have to go to the emergency room to have it removed.

Think I’m joking? Ask any emergency room nurse and I promise you he/she will have a story about some random object that had to be surgically removed from someone’s ass!

Anal toys can also start small at the top and gradually get larger. Using fingers or anal sex toys first will help train the sphincter muscles to relax thus making inserting a penis when you’re ready much less uncomfortable.

Lube is not optional!

And no spit is NOT lube! Nice try guys. A good quality lube is a must for any back door action. Butts, unlike vaginas, do not self lubricate! And no, women don’t have adequate vaginal lubrication for anal play, plus you NEVER want to take anything, not even a finger, from her butt and put into her vagina!! Women don’t like extra trips to their gynecologists which is what they’ll be making if you make that mistake.

I have found that silicone lubes (Sliquid Silver is my fave) seem to work best since they last longer but use whatever you prefer. There are even lubes specifically designed for anal sex if you’re in the market for something new.

Skimping in the lube or foreplay departments will almost always lead to permanent locking of the back door gentlemen so pay close attention to both if your lady has been generous enough to let you in.

Reapply lube as often as needed during anal sex and remember whenever you are inserting or removing anything from anyone’s butt you need to go slowly!

It’s time to assume the position!

There is no right or wrong position for anal sex but it may help to be aware that the rectum is not a straight canal. It curves and angles so it might take several tries before you find a position that works well for you. This is part of why I recommend trying anal sex at least three times before you decide it’s not your thing.

Guys, this is not the time to try out your favorite porn video positions. Those scenes are staged and the actors prepped way before they yell ‘action’. You want to be realistic, consider both yours and your partners comfort.

Positions where clitoral stimulation is possible are highly recommended since clitoral stimulation during anal play/penetration helps women relax and achieve amazingly intense orgasms.

Talk it out.

Communication is another major piece of the anal play puzzle. You have to be able to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. If something isn’t working you need to be able to can speak up.

Guys, women need to know that it’s ok to stop if they’re not feeling it that day and you won’t get angry or be disappointed.

Ladies, guys want to know that even if the first time wasn’t a huge success the topic can be revisited at a later date.

Talk it through. Not just during the act itself but also before and after. Know each other’s boundaries and comfort levels at all times. It will make anal sex and all sex for that matter, a more pleasurable experience for both of you.

While this by no means covers everything there is to know about anal play, I hope it’s enough to help you get your own back door party started!

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Rachel Miller is executive producer and co-host of “Living With the Lights On,” the leading Internet show on sex, dating and relationships. She helps women to not only talk about sex, but to have better sex, through her “night” job as an Independent Business Associate of For Your Pleasure, Inc. Feel free to contact her at rachel@reignitingromance.com Follow her on Twitter and check out her blog Risqué Business.